Real Life: My Story

John Gould

Hindsight is 20/20.

At 44 -I can look back over my life and see the unmistakable hand of God touching and guiding me-especially during those times when things got a little tough. Born into a loving Catholic family-I became acquainted with the Lord-at least in some measure- as a young boy. I grew up with 4 siblings (3 sisters and 1 brother) and a Mom and Dad who cared deeply for all of us. For the most part, life was good in those early years. The downside was the very long, hard hours my father had to work to support our family. By the time I was 12- the strain of raising 5 children largely on her own had broken my mother’s health and landed her in hospital for an extended period of time.

That’s when my world turned upside down.

While my sisters were taken in by family members, my brother and I ended up in a foster home. Nothing I had known in my 12 short years could have prepared me for the physical abuse experienced at the hands of my foster Dad. He was an alcoholic-a man who got mean when he drank. Try as she would-his wife could never manage to shield me from his unfair beatings. That’s when I vowed to never trust anyone in authority again; a vow that would bring me plenty of trouble down the road.

The Bible says in Psalm 27:10, “When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up.” My parents hadn’t willingly forsaken me-but circumstances had made it impossible for them to look after me. On one particular night, I lay trembling in my bed asking God, why he had allowed my brother and I to come to such a place. I couldn’t understand why my sisters were safe with family- while physical abuse had become my constant companion. As I peeked out from under my blankets, I saw a man standing at the foot of my bed. Strangely-I felt no fear at all. Instead a wonderful peace flooded my soul as a voice gently said, “The Lord has His hand on you” Something supernatural happened that night. I didn’t understand it then- but I do now. God had heard the cries of a frightened boy and sent an angel to visit me, the Scripture says that angels are, “ministering spirits, sent forth to minister for them who shall be heirs of salvation.” (Heb 1:14) When I think of it –now that I have found that great salvation- it thrills my soul!

I remember like it was yesterday- the day my parents came to take us home. My brother and I were picking blueberries in a huge field. The moment I laid eyes on my Dad’s car I started running so fast I kept tripping and falling. My Dad was careful to explain to us why things had happened the way they did. He was shocked to learn of the abuse and confronted the couple about it.

Life was back to normal.

Then mid-way into my teen years-some of my friends started experimenting with alcohol and sniffing glue. They constantly pressured me to join them until finally did. Although-I didn’t like the way the glue made me feel-drinking was a different story. The party lifestyle was fun and seemingly harmless. It became the thing to do when I was with my friends-but as I graduated from beer to hard liquor-I had no idea the control alcohol would eventually have in my life.

When my father died in March 1993, it left an aching void in my life that nothing could take away. My Dad had been my friend-someone who believed in me and encouraged me. Painful circumstances once again caused me to question God. Only this time no angel came to comfort me. I was left with a raw anger that propelled me into a downward spiral of binge drinking. In the Fall of that year, my mother confronted me, and helped me to see that I really had a problem with alcohol. I started attending AA meetings, and although the struggles were still present-life started getting a little better. As I continued on with AA, I met and began a relationship with a woman who also attended the meetings. We later moved in together and eventually had two beautiful children, a son-John Austin and a daughter-Hope Lynn. Things were going well. We had a good life. I had just celebrated one year of sobriety and received a cake and medallion from AA when I ran into an old drinking buddy. All I can say is, I decided I was going to have a drink with him that night, and I did.

That was the beginning of the end.

Slowly my life began to unravel again. Roxanne and I were fighting constantly over my drinking and the problems it was causing. Things spiraled out of control until finally our children were taken from the home. I was left with nothing. Speaking of Satan-the enemy of our soul-Jesus said, “The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy (John 10:10) Substance abuse is one of Satan’s most effective weapons against humanity and he had, indeed, used it to take from me everything that mattered in my life-including any sense of self worth.

But God had never forgotten that frightened 12 year old boy who had called out to Him. All along, He knew the steps I would take and had a divine plan to bring me to the right place at the right time. That place was Lonewater Farm.

“How beautiful are the feet of them that preach the gospel of peace, and bring glad tidings of good things”! (Romans 10:15)

Every Tuesday, a group from 1st UPC would come to preach at Lonewater. At first I didn’t attend, but one of the residents who did kept encouraging me to come along. Eventually I did. And that was the beginning of a brand new life. I was drawn to the compassion of the people, and the authority with which the Word of God was preached. Salty Christians create a thirst for God in those who hear them. And I was thirsty! I remember my first van ride into town to attend a service at Mark Drive. There was an electricity in the air! I could feel it so powerfully! When the van pulled up to the church doors, I felt like a kid arriving at the playground. There’s no way to adequately describe what happened that night. But I felt a little like the Apostle Paul on the road to Damascus. I had an encounter with God! The scales of blindness fell from my eyes so I could finally see Him for who He really is! He wasn’t kidding when He said, “And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” (John 8:32) Jesus Christ IS the truth! I can tell you today-that if you will fall in love with Jesus, and read and obey His Word, the Bible-your life will never be the same.

On August 15th of this year, I celebrated my second birthday as a born again Christian. Now-when the tough times come, instead of reaching for a bottle I reach for the Word. Instead of becoming intoxicated with wine, I get intoxicated in the Spirit! The storms may come, but the storm is no longer in me. I gave my life to God and in exchange I got a brand new identity.

I’m no longer John Gould-the alcoholic. I am John Gould-child of God!